Payday 2 : Total and utter Overkill
by It's The Auditor
Summary: A bank heist is in progress but all goes to hell when Chains' saw does not work against a green bulldozer and sends the gang into utter chaos and total stupidity, making it total and utter Overkill for everyone. Rated M for lots of weird ass bullshit you have been fucking warned, do not read if under 18 otherwise you might be kill
1. It happened alright it fuckin happened

"Ah-huh, and finally there now your saw is more efficient Chains" Wolf gawked with glee.

"Now those dozers are gon' taste blade" Chains exploded.

He ran out of the bank with an evil grin marked on his mask covered face and charged at the nearest bulldozer, Chains screamed as the blade was about to make contact while the green bulldozer was petrified in place.

The blade made contact with the green dozer's mask sticking inside of the heavy duty helmet making the blade lift Chains into the air while he laughed manically.

The green bulldozer swung his arms uncontrollably trying to push the blade off of himself but it was no use, but a miracle to the dozer happened the saw blade stopped in motion then randomly imploded leaving Chains in awe.

Wolf watched this and by his facial expression claimed it was Chains stupidity that broke his saw, Chains turned to face Wolf now enraged and charged at him.

Wolf was petrified and Chains was pissed, the green dozer on the verge of a heat stroke tailed the duo while they made their way to the vault.

"Don't make me do it Chains" Wolf barked.

"You wouldn't" Chains hissed.

Wolf stared at Chains like it was a staring contest while the dozer caught up and began reloading his Reinfield 880 watching the latter fighting.

Wolf punched the thermal drill causing it to stop and beep uncontrollably, Chains held his ears in distress and instantaneously went to repair the drill.

Wolf had the chance to escape and ran out the back door of the bank while the green dozer followed still reloading his shotgun slowly, Wolf quickly pick locked the door and exited swiftly, he breathed heavily but was stopped in motion as horror stuck his thoughts.

*Bam*

Wolf was round-house kicked directly in the throat throwing spit from the mouth of his mask covering the inside as well, before he knew it he was knocked to the ground by a cloaker.

"It's me again, BILLY" The cloaker screeched while dancing in a fashion such as Elvis.

Wolf groaned in displeasure as the cloaker stood above Wolf's limp body and began squatting up and down taunting his facing his crotch to Wolf's face.

Dallas then out of nowhere busted through a nearby wall causing the plaster fly everywhere knocking cloaker into the bulldozer, Dallas helped Wolf up and threw one of the body bags Dallas had filled onto the dozer and the cloaker while on the ground.

"Now you know not to mess with my donuts!" Dallas cheered.

Wolf thanked Dallas while he rocketed into the roof breaking a big hole in the ceiling as Wolf watched Dallas fly into a S.W.A.T helicopter.

Wolf look around and noticed a purple snake package, he grabbed it and out of the blue, Houston became the package and began flying while dancing to the hustle saying 'donacdum' repeatedly.

"Must run in the family" Wolf implied.

Houston danced along to the thermal drill and kicked Chains in the face, Chains why enraged now and pulled Houston from the air and shoved him in front of the thermal drill.

"Now you can feel what it's like to be a vault door!" Chains laughed.

Before the drill made contact with Houston's face it broke down with many beeping, Chains had no feeling to describe the anti-climax pissing him off.

Houston flew out of Chains' grip and continued his dance until a taser teleported in front of him.

"IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING TASER" Dallas yelled from a distant.

The taser span around in a circle blasting his taser everywhere hitting Houston knocking him to the floor giving him a seizure. Dallas flew down through the roof head first knocking the taser through the floor killing him instantly.

Dallas then laughed Kefka and then decending into Bain's underground sandwich base, Bain was shocked to see Dallas seeing his face for the first time.

"Rambler don't ramble me plz" Bain cried.

Dallas stood in citizen pose with a grin on his face and arced his head down to a scared Bain. Dallas' arms extended and began spinning in a circle and he started to hover.

Bain boarded the Dallas-copter and had a spazm inside and kept repeating 'Okay we can leave now, but try take it all if you can' it annoyed Dallas so he called his friend Bonnie of his magical cell phone.

Bonnie teleported to the helicopter instantly and began thrusting while yelling 'smoke, SMOKE' until she finally killed Bain on the spot but Bain turned out to be the Dentist, Dallas and Bonnie were shocked.

The dentist's corpse floated in the air like an exorcist was being performed on him, he glowed extremely light and then turned into Vlad.

Vlad was very angry after Dallas ate his last Taco, Vlad punched Dallas, Dallas then flew back to the bank.

Houston broke the vault door open and no money was in the vault, all except a giant blender, Houston quickly threw Chains in the blender along with the Dozer and Cloaker.

What they didn't know is the Cloaker was actually Donald Trump and he wanted to run the bank by kicking everybody in the head or balls, Chains was crying but then began fighting with the bulldozer while Donald Trump became a potato.

Wolf entered the room and turned on some cartoons, Houston was not amused, ruined the magical television and activated the blender killing everybody inside.

Wolf then farted and the taser was kill because of toxic contamination that came out of Wolf's dirty anus.

Dallas flew above the bank at last and accidently dropped Bonnie but she luckily flew onto captain Winters that randomly came out of S.W.A.T van.

Bonnie and captain Winters were kill but luckily Dallas dropped Vlad out of the helicopter because he kept hitting him, Vlad became so angry he turned into a nuclear warhead.

Wolf was scared so he pulled Houston's arm and ran out of the bank and entered one of the S.W.A.T vans and drove away quickly Dallas also flew away and the bank imploded making Vlad, everyone inside and most of the city. Kill.

Wolf and Houston luckily escaped but they forgot about one thing, the efficient saw what Wolf had made for Chains was still in-tact and it was hurdling towards them from the shockwave of the Vlad/warhead.

The blade sliced both of their heads off and their bodies dropped to floor, they only had a few seconds to live and a few words to say Houston spoke.

"I guess I 'SAW' that one coming!" Houston laughed.

Wolf pulled a horrified and annoyed face before their heads eventually lost all of their blood and they were both kill.

Bank heist : failed.

Heist failed. No money will be paid out, all assets have been locked, and any valuables that have been found have been confiscated.


	2. The crew go into chaos and fucking die

"Why are there so many fucking tasers!" Clover screeched.

"Because we are robbing a murky-water truck with a safe inside filled with gold that is incredibly valuable and important!" Hoxton quickly replied.

Hoxton swiftly preformed a side roll to more cover and blasted many murky-water soldiers, but before Hoxton could kill them all a murky-water soldier began twerking randomly.

"Looks like a twerky-water if you ask me, Hoxton" Jimmy chuckled.

"Shut yer' gob James" Hoxton growled.

Then a Gen-sec operative blasted through the roof and let his trousers fall to his ankles along with his underwear, his genitals fired a laser in Clover's direction destroying here cover exposing her to many twerking murky-water soldiers.

"Clover, move out of the way" Sokol roared across the slaughter house.

But it was too late, Clover was engulfed in ass cheeks and suffocated slowly but however she turned out to be a Dragan and she flew across the slaughter house wearing a red suit.

"What the fuck" Hoxton murmured.

Clover/Dragan flew around the slaughter house killing many Twerky-waters in the process until her attention was caught by the Genital-sec operative.

She charged towards him with immense force the air around her spontaneously combusted.

"Time to bust some balls" Clover taunted as she rammed into the Genital-sec operative causing both to spontaneously combust.

"Well lads, at least we survived"

"Man, not be a party-pooper but we still gotta haul all this gold out to the container and get the hell out of here and we are missing one heister" Jimmy stated.

"Well James, how about you move your lazy ass over to the safe and get gold out you fartass crack addicted wanker" Hoxton replied with grief.

Hoxton had said wanker his 1000th time, a massive hole blasted through the roof of the complex and rubble blasted everywhere when this occurred John Wick was crushed and killed.

A massive skull dozer appeared and began wanking in front of their eyes.

"WHAT THE FUCK MAN, WHAT KIND OF SICK FUCKER COMES UP WITH THIS CRAZY SHIT?" Jimmy questioned himself.

"Ask the reader, I'm pretty sure he would know the name of the author, some obese bulldozer guy or some shit like that" Hoxton replied.

Just then a random explosion occurred through one of the walls revealing Dallas in good shape and ready to fight, Jimmy and Hoxton were shocked.

"its forth-wall breaking time" Dallas roared and charged towards the humungous masturbating skull dozer.

"What the fuck Dallas how did you survived the explosion" Hoxton questioned.

"No time to talk, just move the gold, I can't hold of this creep for much longer"

Jimmy and Hoxton hauled the gold until their backs broke and secured it into the container and closed it, once they turned around they noticed 5 quad-drippilion Cloakers stood in front of them.

"Well shit" Hoxton groaned.

The cloakers moved closer to the duo but before they could harm the latter an old asian man stood infront of them both holding a katana, he looked back at them with wrath and concern on his wrinkled face.

"CLOAKER MIGHT KILL YA" Jiro called out leaving spit on the latter's masks.

Jiro began shredding the cloakers one by one so they could feel his wrath until his was engulfed by the army of cluster-fucks.

"I'm gonna use my minigun" Jimmy said sternly.

Before Jimmy could fire his weapon of mass destruction the cloakers all turn into what seemed to be pixy dust and formed into an obese person wearing the attire of a king.

It was... Gabe Newell!

"Who the fuck is this fat bastard now" Hoxton questioned himself.

Gabe Newell reached his hand out towards Jimmy showing him his palm and pulled his fingers towards himself and back like he was demanding Jimmy of something.

Gabe Newell wanted money for the DLC that had the mini-gun in it, Jimmy had no money only gold and Gabe did not except it, he pointed his staff towards Jimmy and roared 'GABEN' zapping Jimmy vaporising him.

Gabe looked at Hoxton and demanded money, he knew he was to die next, Gabe pointed his BAN staff at Hoxton ready to fire, before he could he was smashed to the floor by the giant Twerky-water leader Nickikim Minajdashion who slammed the other giant money demanding beast to the floor with her massive gluteus-maximus.

Gabe quickly recovered and began blasting her ass cheeks but it only reflected his VAC BANNABE POWERS.

Not good for Gabe, he then showed her a page of DLCs on steam that were 75% off making her bite her lip in need of the certain DLCs but she was prepared, she disposed of her money by shoving it up her ass fading it out existence.

It was super affective against Gabe, he collapsed to the harsh floor and claimed even if he died, there would never be a Half-life 3. Nickikim Minajdashion roared in triumph and faded into time and space never to return taking her Twerky-water company to another spot.

Gabe newell groaned in pain and he was about to die.

"Hoxton, release Half-life 3 it is the only way to avenge myself, that is why I am such a meme because I did not do what fans wanted me to do" Gabe coughed.

"I understand lord Gabe, but for how long you kept us waiting I say, FUCK YOU WANKER HAHAHAHAHAHA" Hoxton roared.

He blasted Gabe in the crown ridding it of his head destroying his reputation as the leader and founder of steam ruining life forever and beyond his after-life, Gabe Newell was kill.


End file.
